We’ve bought a new house. And our new next door neighbours (two delightful gentlemen) will not stop being nice.
– bought us a seagull proof refuse bag (yes, they are actual things)
– loaned us garden tools when we didn’t have any
– invited us around for Friday night drinks so we could meet the other people on the lane
– one of them brought me a bunch of sweetpea flowers that he’d picked from his garden
– and tomorrow he’s coming to cut our hedge for us with his electric hedge trimmer thing idk, and all I have to do is hold the ladder.
Basically, I am UNSETTLED and am now having to enter into an arms race of niceness and I am already so behind oh god.
Long story short – I just baked a lemon drizzle cake, and it looks great but I can’t even eat it because MR AND MR NICE MUST RECEIVE AN OFFERING.
ABSOLUTE CRISIS I GAVE THEM THE LEMON DRIZZLE AND THEN THEY INVITED ME IN TO HAVE A SLICE AND A COFFEE WITH THEM AND GAVE ME A TOUR OF THEIR HOUSE AND LET ME HOLD THEIR PUPPY. AND THEN THEY CAME AROUND TO HELP ME BAG UP THE HEDGE CLIPPINGS. THESE MEN ARE NICENESS PROS AND I CANNOT WIN.
HELP WE HAD AN HOUR LONG POWER CUT ON THE STREET AND IN THAT TIME THE OTHER MR NICE CAME AROUND WITH MATCHES AND CANDLES ‘JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN’T HAVE ANY’. IT WAS BARELY DARK.
BASTARDS – I’M GOING TO HAVE TO HOST A DINNER PARTY AREN’T I?
The Gay Agenda, everyone.
this is fucking i n c r e d i b l e